Two Turtle Doves

Beware! We’ve entered the holiday season. Be prepared to give into superficial wants and indulgences, because whether you like it or not, ‘tis the season. Last weekend, consumers broke online retail records as Black Friday sales began early and extended through Cyber Monday. While we all like receiving gifts, sometimes gifting gets a little awkward, and we’re left with a bunch of stuff we’ve got no clue what to do with; like how I imagine the girl who received all the materials in Twelve Days of Christmas felt thirteen days after Christmas.

Ever since I saw Home Alone 2 (in other words) ever since I can remember, two turtle doves have been my favorite gift from the Twelve Days of Christmas song. Partly because Kevin McCallister (Mucaulay Culkin) is so sweet when he shares his turtle dove, but another part is quite simply the process of elimination.

12  Drummers Drumming: sounds like a headache—and this is coming from a former percussionist. If I want to listen to music, I’ll get my iPod.

11 Pipers Piping: sounds like a splitting headache; who wants 11 pipers following them around. And then stuff really gets messy when Peter Piper picks a peck of pickled peppers. I’ll pass on the pipers.

10 Lords-a-Leaping: I can’t fathom a situation where I would need 10 noblemen leaping around me.

9 Ladies Dancing: that sounds quite annoying; it’d be like being constantly surrounded by a small flash mob, but at least they would keep the Lords occupied.

8 Maids-a-Milking: I’m lactose intolerant; however, even if I wasn’t, I would still think it an odd and extremely undesirable gift—especially since there is no mention of cows in the song. Perhaps the cows will come as a birthday present.

7 Swans-a- Swimming: swans, although beautiful, are quite mean. I’d rather have a puppy and I’d rather not have 7, thank you very much.

6 Geese-a-Laying: I prefer to purchase my eggs from the store and not have to anger 6 geese as I take their unborn babies and cook them for breakfast.

5 Golden Rings: If they’re not diamonds from Tiffany’s, don’t bother. Right Marilyn? Plus, I’m a silver kind of girl.

4 Calling Birds: Have you ever tried to sleeping in a house with birds—it’s not at all conducive to getting a good night’s rest. If I need to call on someone, my cell phone will suffice.

3 French Hens: why?

2 Turtle Doves: I’m getting there.

And a Partridge in a Pear Tree. I’m not sure what my response should be if I ever receive a partridge in a pear tree, but nothing says I have no clue what to get you like putting a bird in a tree and sending it off in the middle of winter.

I wouldn’t boast about most of these gifts, but two turtle doves, however, have charm and meaning. The gift is a sweet commitment, unlike some of the other aforementioned gestures. Call me sentimental, but I’d gladly accept the two turtle doves.

The Holiday Season is just beginning. If you’re at a loss for what to get, check out these gifts for some ideas—you can never go wrong with a set of Christmas Vacation Moose Mugs or a plot of land in Ireland.

Cover Photo Source:  MollaSpace via Flickr

Cassandra is a Content Manager and Developer at SJG. She earned her BA from Fontbonne University in 2011. Outside the office, she enjoys an active, healthy and well-rounded lifestyle including reading, writing, running, golfing, watching films, listening to music, taking photographs, and consuming media and social media.